On the feast of St. Joseph, an evaluation of a “Josephite marriage”

… Catholic view is Mary remained virginal

March 19 is the feast of St. Joseph, and since we are children were taught by nuns of the St. Joseph’s order, we knew about the man. 

However, many people are not aware that Joseph and Mary lived a celibate life, according to the Catholic Church. 

Today, there exists within the Catholic Church what is called a Josephite Marriage. I had never heard of it, so I did some investigating. 

Here is what I found.

Catholic view of celibate marriage

I had read about this because of a piece in the New York Times about a man whose parents, with four children, applied to the church to enter into a Josephite marriage. Today, many priests think that such a thing is abhorrent, but not all of them. 

So, what is a Josephite marriage?

There appear to be two forms of the Sacrament of Marriage, one that we could call the “ordinary form,” the other that one might call the “extraordinary form.”  While both are the same vocation, the second requires a special calling beyond the normal call to the vocation of marriage.   

The extraordinary form is the type of marriage Joseph and Mary had and is sometimes referred to as a Josephite marriage.

The special charisma of the Josephite marriage is that it is ‘fruitful’ in a different way rather then the generation of natural children — although Joseph and Mary’s unique union had the additional characteristic of being fruitful in both ways.   From time to time and for various reasons in history there have been some couples who have felt called to this type of celibate marriage.

It is no less of a marriage than a priest is any less of a priest because he is not also a friar with a vow of poverty.  For some priests this extra “call” to something beyond “normal” holy orders adds to the person and mission that God intends for them in a special way.  However, it isn’t everyone’s call.

Christopher Fish, “A meditation on ‘Josephite’ Marriage,” Catholic Exchange, August 15, 2010

What was the truth of Joseph and Mary?

When I was taught about Mary being a virgin, I was so young that I had to consult the dictionary. It was certainly not something that I would discuss with my parents of the nun who was teaching our class. 

Then when I was older, I heard that it was a virginal birth. That the Holy Spirit, not St. Joseph or God, had impregnated Mary. If she had been pregnant at all. 

However, I always assumed that they had normal sexual relations during their lives, though Mary could no longer bear children. It was tricky. 

As one priest wrote,

Chastity is a virtue. A very important virtue. To be chaste is have self-mastery, to be in control of your passions and sexuality. Celibacy is a special form of chastity. God calls some men and women to celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Saint Joseph was both chaste and celibate. Saint Joseph was the Chaste Guardian of the Virgin. Saint Joseph and Mary lived a “Josephite marriage.” They were truly husband and wife, but they lived a virginal marriage. The consistent teaching and tradition of the church is that Mary and Joseph lived a virginal marriage. 

Their vocation was to be united in heart, mind, and soul. To be chaste is to be pure of heart. If a person’s heart is not pure, they are incapable of seeing God. 

Modern man has become blinded by impurity. Saint Jerome and Bede defend the fundamental truth of Christianity – Mary perpetual virginity – but are also affirming the tradition that Saint Joseph remained a virgin all his life. Both Mary and Joseph had made a vow to remain virgin all the days of their lives. Mary and Saint Joseph guarded each other’s for the sake of the mission of their virginal son. 

St. Mary of the Falls

A son questions his parents’ Josephite marriage

Last fall, an op-ed appeared in the New York Times by a man who discovered as an adult that his parents were engaged in a Josephite marriage,

I was 26 and married when I learned of the arrangement between my parents.

Mom had come to stay with me and my new wife, and we got trapped indoors during an ice storm. Sometime during the interminable weekend, my mother, probably in an alcohol-fueled moment of candor, spilled the beans.

I had never heard of a Josephite marriage, a union inspired by the relationship between Joseph and the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus. And to this day, I am astonished that my parents undertook a similar path with the blessing of the Roman Catholic Church. While their arrangement did not comply with the strict definition of a Josephite relationship — for they entered marriage without the intention of a celibate union — such pacts remain an option for Catholics seeking a higher spiritual plane.

My father was a worldly 32 and my mother a winsome 19 when they met. He was a doctor completing his training at Queens General Hospital, now known as Queens Hospital Center. She was a student nurse in clinical training there. He was agnostic, though his parents were Presbyterian. She was Catholic. They eloped, were married by a Lutheran minister, and produced four children. Dad had a severe heart attack at 46. This brush with death prompted him to convert to Catholicism.

After he recovered from his heart attack, my father undertook religious training from our assistant pastor, the Dublin-born Rev. Patrick O’Brien, a rosy-cheeked, rotund fellow who could have come from central casting. I remember that every Wednesday night my mother would serve roast leg of lamb with mint jelly for the benefit of our ordained visitor. This was far from the typical weeknight fare in our Texas household.

Not long thereafter, my three siblings and I noticed that our parents’ double bed was replaced by twin beds. My younger sister inquired about this. The sharp tone of our mother’s answer precluded further discussion: “Your father needs his rest!”

Geoffrey Leavenworth, “One chaste marriage, four kids, and the Catholic Church,”                                         New York Times, November 17, 2021

The twin beds should have been a hint, but children do not always question such things. 

The author is still uncomfortable with the thought, but this was his conclusion,

There is still a lot I don’t understand about a celibate union, but what harm did it do? Our brood of four siblings might have been increased by a few more souls. But my parents didn’t seem to feel shortchanged, so who am I to question things. During her long years as a widow, Mom recalled, “It was what we had to do to be together. It wasn’t so bad.”

Geoffrey Leavenworth, New York Times, November 17, 2021

There are many weird things about the Catholic Church, and this is just another one.